“You should stick to prose.”

So I started Big Band yesterday. It’s the one up from Swing Band, with harder tunes and, even worse, a couple of my cousins and several people I know of (but am not friends with) from other musical things and who I know to be much better than me.

“Are you okay?” Kirsty asked me, to which I replied that yes, yes I was. She wasn’t convinced; “You look worried.”

Of course I was worried. Anything I do in life is pretty much undermined by my low confidence and negative thoughts. Most of those for most things, I’ve managed to banish apart from the one thing I seem to do most nowadays: music. New bands, new music (especially with the bari sax) just causes a panicky reaction in me. I’m a shy baritone saxophonist, just one of my many contradictory traits.

The band already has a bari saxophonist and it turns out he’s almost as like-minded as I am.

“I’m joining you today.” I told him and he seemed very friendly. We we both agreed that the baritone should be in the bassline and doesn’t belong in solos and other such things that I’ve always privately thought. Actually it was nice to chat to someone who played the bloody big instrument other than me. I’m guessing he gets a lift in on a cushy car and doesn’t have to deal with public transport the way I do but, still, he’s one of us… me? I don’t know.

So yeah, they got a new tune out that nobody had ever played and Andy counted us in… and, seriously, I fell in love. This band is so much my level than the simple, simple tunes of the Swing Band. Andy said himself it’s a big jump between Big Band baritone parts and Swing Band ones but I didn’t mind. They weren’t any harder than those of the college Jazz Band and, with the other Baritone there, I completely skipped out the part where I panic and don’t play for ages. Of course, it may be a while til I can do it alone so I hope he doesn’t miss a session for a good few months yet.

Yeah, sleepytime. Re-reading through this reminds me of Frankenstein’s monster. My sentences seem disjointed and out of place. I haven’t the energy to change them so it’ll do.

PS: I was HAPPY today. With nothing weighing on my mind at all. We had sun and I seriously think it has something to do with it.